WOMEN SEEKING OLDER AND YOUNGER MEN
WANTED: Ugly old man with lots of money who is likely to die within six months. Must be willing to put me in his will. Will consider handjobs, but no sex. Please call 555-1212.
WANTED: Man who doesn’t drink, doesn’t fart, doesn’t cuss, doesn’t like sports, and doesn’t like sex. Will consider transexual or homosexual if this man doesn’t exist. Please call 555-2121.
Feminist author and activist tired of weak, pathetic, girlie men, seeks strong masculine male to dominate me in every way, make me feel like a woman, and kill the bug that’s up my ass. Call Gloria at 555-8613.
Average woman with decent looks and body, but bitchy attitude, who thinks she’s God’s gift to men and is hopelessly out of touch with reality seeks kind, strong, masculine millionaire to suck all of the money, happiness, and life out of the poor bastard. 555-4896.
Wanted: Manhattan man who is not a pussy, girlie man into beauty products, hair coloring, shopping, global warming, and sensitivity. Is there one left? 555-3858.
YOU CAN HAVE MY HUSBAND. Overweight, balding, rarely washes his ass or balls. Doesn’t help around the house. Drinks too much and farts while he sleeps. Has no money or job. Many other postive qualities. Free to first caller. 555-4867.
Toothless, obese, old hag seeks handsome young stud for fun and games. Must enjoy the trailer park lifestyle. 555-9871.